Gay Marriage is Wrong, an old book said so

http://www.nwfdailynews.com/opinion/marriage-28090-gay-people.html

Courtesy of Travis Douma:

“Ten reasons why gay marriage is wrong:

Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester and air conditioning.

Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.

Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.

Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn’t changed at all — women are still property, blacks still can’t marry whites and divorce is still illegal.

Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage is allowed; the sanctity of Britney Spears’ 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.

Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples and old people shouldn’t be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren’t full yet, and the world needs more children.

Gay parents will raise gay children. Straight parents raise only straight children.
Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That’s why we have only one religion in America.
Children can never succeed without male and female role models at home. That’s why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.

Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just as we haven’t adapted to cars, the service-sector economy and longer life spans.”

I’ll add one: gay marriage is wrong because a book written thousands of years ago said so.

I hope the disclaimer pointing out the satire of this post isn’t actually necessary and you will have picked up on the joke a while back.